Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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