he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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