Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize