Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
