thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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