i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
