I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
