I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize