i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
