i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
