So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
