I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this just has baby written all over it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
