and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
