Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize