Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
