you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
