Someone shit on the floor
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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