Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
