11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
