I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
