I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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