Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
