At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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