i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
