Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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