i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
True college students do jello shots in the library
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
