I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
