Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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