There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
