Kiss
Puke
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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