im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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