my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
