Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
