i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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