those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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