I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
