I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
