I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
one might say we're banned from that church
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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