FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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