Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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