so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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