every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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