It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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