Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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