I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's the barista slut.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
