I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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