Kareoke will never be a sober sport
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
