He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
