Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Randomize
