he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
