i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
