A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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