I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
