so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think people are normalizing furries
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize