fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
