I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
