take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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