ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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