Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
