yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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