That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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