I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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