lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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