you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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