just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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