I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
