He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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