Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
