did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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