I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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