im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
