you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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