She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just tell him i said nine months
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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