I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize