he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
