Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
