I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
